Random Amuto Fun!
by Angel BL-chan
Summary: Who doesn't love some pervy Ikuto and over-protective Kukai?
1. In which Amu is a potato sack

**Who's ready for RANDOMNESS? If you're not, why did you click this?**

**Amuto, Tadase bashing, obsessively-protective-of-Amu Kukai, and much more!**

**For those of you who don't know, "baka" is Japanese for "idiot", "fool", or "stupid".**

**DISCLAIMER:**

**Throughout the course of this fanfic you may feel Amukai (Kukamu?) vibes. I promise that your worry is completely unjustified and you should feel ashamed for even suggesting that I am a fan of it.**

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><p>Amu, Kukai, Tadase, and Yaya were walking around the park just having a good time, when a certain cat-like teen jumped down behind them. Well, one of them in particular.<p>

He covered the girl's eyes, causing her to stop in her tracks. "Hey Amu," he whispered seductively into her ear.

She jumped, and tore his hands from her face. "Sh-shut up, Ikuto." She stammered out as he kissed her hair.

"YOU LEAVE MY LITTLE AMU-CHAN ALONE YOU PERVERT!" Kukai shouted as Tadase and Yaya did their best to hold him back.

"Oh that bothers you, does it?" Ikuto smirked and shifted his hands so they were in position to reach up Amu's shirt.

Kukai's eyes were full of fire, and he looked as if he was on the verge of tears. "YOU GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER YOU BASTARD! I WILL CALL THE POLICE FOR MOLESTATION OF A MINOR!"

Ikuto kissed Amu's neck, and she blushed furiously as he nuzzled her while unbuttoning the top couple buttons of her lolita-esq blouse. She just stood frozen, too shocked to try to resist.

Kukai cracked. He tore out of Tadase and Yaya's grasp, and pulled Amu into a (overly protective) hug. "YOU WILL NOT TAKE AMU-CHAN'S INNOCENCE, IT'S THE LAST SHE HAS LEFT WITH YOU POISONING HER LITTLE MIND!"

"Aww, but Amu liked it, didn't she?" Ikuto asked her, to which she blushed even harder and hid her face in Kukai's neck.

Kukai smiled. "HA, SEE? SHE LIKES ME BETTER! Come on Amu-chan, you don't have to be harassed by the bad man anymore..." He cooed to her.

"Ku-Kukai-" Amu began, but he threw her over his shoulder like an Amu-sized sack of potatoes and began walking away with the other two before she could finish her protest.

Ikuto swiftly side-stepped in front of him. "And _I _will call the police for kidnapping of a minor."

"I-I, hey, I'm not kidnapping her!" He stammered, Amu still over his shoulder.

Meanwhile, the girl in question was punching at Kukai's back, trying to get him to let her down. "BAKABAKABAKABAKA!"

"She appears to agree with me." Ikuto commented, noticing her futile attempts to get back on her feet.

"ANATA GA BAKADA!" _(a/n: You're an idiot/fool) _Amu yelled at Kukai.

Ikuto pouted. "I think she's forgotten I'm here..." He said as he effortlessly lifted Amu off of Kukai's shoulder, and held her bridal-style while Kukai gaped.

Amu just looked annoyed by the whole situation. "I don't even know what's going on anymore." She mumbled, cuddling into Ikuto and trying to catch up on the sleep she missed when Kukai called her at five in the morning when he couldn't decide what to have for breakfast.

Ikuto smirked. "See, now you don't want to disturb your 'little Amu-chan', would you?" He said, stroking her cheek with his thumb, half because he wanted to annoy soccer boy, and half because she looked so cute asleep.

"ARE YOU GOING TO MOLEST HER?" Kukai yelled, causing Amu to stir in her sleep.

Ikuto started walking away with the sleeping Amu still in his arms, seemingly ignoring Kukai's continuing threats and accusations.

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><p><strong>Soooo...<strong>

**Review, I guess? I'll probably update even if you don't, but they're always appreciated.**


	2. In which Kukai accidentally injures Amu

**WHAT? Another chapter?**

**Yes, though my life is exceedingly busy (*cough*no it's not*cough*) I have decided to write you up another chapter anyway!**

**Now I warn you, I have no idea if the following chapter is going to be a oneshot or coherent to the last chapter.**

**...Yeah, maybe I should've planned this out more. But I can't plan and eat pie at the same time.**

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><p>Today, Tadase decided he would give the ice cream date with Amu another shot. The aforementioned pink haired girl was currently sitting on the same bench as before, with the same annoying cat lurking her.<p>

"Am I the only one getting a little déjà vu here, Amu?" He asked, sitting on the back of the bench.

She pulled her knees to her chest. "Yep."

Ikuto sat down on the seat of the bench, and pulled her onto his lap. "How about now?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO AMU-CHAN?" Kukai jumped out of nowhere, pulling Amu from Ikuto's grasp.

"I believe I was holding her against her will first," Ikuto placed her back onto his lap, seemingly unphased by Kukai's sudden appearance.

Amu sighed and rolled her eyes, deciding she'd let the situation play itself out.

"Finders keepers!" Kukai tore Amu back so forcefully she stumbled to the ground, getting a small albeit painful and bloody cut on her palm.

She whimpered, and Ikuto gently swooped her up before Kukai could. "Are you alright, Amu-koi?" He asked (out-of-characterly) softly.

"I'm fine, let me down." She demanded, still clenching her wrist.

"No you're not." Ikuto stated matter-of-factly, carrying her off with Kukai trailing behind them, yelling at Ikuto to give his "LITTLE AMU-CHAN" back.

She was being surprisingly calm about the whole situation, aside from the occasional whimper of pain (causing Ikuto to look down at her in... pity? Amusement?). "Yes I am and where are you taking me?"

"The pharmacy, to get stuff so your cut doesn't hurt so much." _(a/n: do they have pharmacies in Japan? I don't even know.)_

"It does not hurt! But if you're so determined to _carry _me there, can it at least not be bridal style?"

"Then how do you wish to be carried?" He smirked a little.

"I-I... I don't care! Just... you know what, just put me down!" She tried to wriggle her way out of his arms.

Kukai finally caught up to them, and ripped Amu from Ikuto by her arm without a plan to catch her, causing her to fall (again), but seeing as she was a few feet off the ground this time, she got a little more than a cut.

"Owwww... Kuuukai, why'd you have to do that?" She sounded pitiful, though she was staring daggers at her friend.

The friend in question grasped her hand as if this were the last thing he was ever going to say to her, causing her to seethe in pain seeing as the cut was still there. "I'M SO SORRY AMU-CHAN! I JUST DIDN'T WANT IKUTO TO MOLEST YOU OR ANYTHING!"

"...I seriously doubt that he was going to." She said, keeping up her Cool & Spicy persona even in pain.

Ikuto dropped down to his knees _(a/n: that sounded much more dramatic than I meant it to.) _and leaned across Amu to look Kukai in the eyes. "Hey, soccer kid."

"What do you want?"

"Keep this up and Amu's going to be dead by the end of the day, hotshot."

Meanwhile, the girl in question _(a/n: I say "the _ in question a lot, don't I?) _had blacked out a few seconds after telling Kukai that Ikuto wasn't going to molest her.

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><p><strong>So, this isn't coherent to the last chapter, but I don't believe it's going to be a one-shot either...<strong>

**I'm just confusing myself at this point.**

**...I got some rats at the pet store today. My cat likes to harass them.**

**This was fun to write. I apologize for all the author's notes by the way...**

**Thank you to all my reviewers! Who I shall list now since there are only 3 of them.**

**xXWildFreesiaXx**

**xXKuukaiHotorixX**

**The mystery anon known as yolo. (**Don't worry buddy, I'll keep up the "googd" work.)****

****And I'd also like to thank Danny Kallis and Jim Geoghan, whom I wouldn't be here without. ...You have no idea who they are, do you?****

****They created Suite Life on Deck. I can only write for Shugo Chara while I'm watching that or Zack and Cody. It's spooky.****

**Could anyone explain the whole "Amu-koi" thing? I never figured out what koi meant... I mean, I know about koi FISH, but you know what I mean.**

**...I'm gonna go now. I have to get ready for my birthday party tomorrow!**


	3. In which they walk to the hospital

** So... I don't really have anything to say for this foreword.**

**Don't worry, there'll be lots in the... what's the opposite of a foreword?**

**A backword? That's what I'm going with.**

**Talk to you in the backword!**

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><p><strong><em>LAST TIME ON RANDOM AMUTO FUN...<em>**

_Ikuto dropped down to his kneesand leaned across Amu to look Kukai in the eyes. "Hey, soccer kid."_

_"What do you want?"_

_"Keep this up and Amu's going to be dead by the end of the day, hotshot."_

_Meanwhile, the girl in question had blacked out a few seconds after telling Kukai that Ikuto wasn't going to molest her._

_**And now, we continue...**_

"That's not true! She's just fine, right Am... u...?" Kukai looked down and saw her knocked out, and like the calm and reasonable person he is, he decided to try and determine the best thing to do in this situation. "OH GOD AMU WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU OKAY WE HAVE TO GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE GOD HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO HER PARENTS I'M A DEAD MAN AMU WAKE UP C'MON OPEN THOSE PRETTY LITTLE EYES OF YOURS FOR KUKAI!"

Ikuto scooped up Amu (again) and began walking away (again), but this time in a different direction.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW?" Kukai yelled, scrambling to catch up.

Ikuto nodded to a rather large building. "The hospital, you idiot."

"I AM NOT AN IDIOT!"

"Says the idiot who caused this whole situation."

"IT WAS YOUR FAULT FOR HOLDING AMU WHEN SHE CLEARLY DID NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU!"

"I believe you are guilty of that as well."

"SINCE WHEN?"

"Since you held her when she clearly did not want to be with you."

"QUIT TWISTING MY WORDS AND USING THEM AGAINST ME!"

"You said, and I quote, 'It was your fault for holding Amu when she clearly did not want to be with you'."

"BUT I DIDN'T HOLD HER WHEN SHE CLEARLY DID NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME!"

"Oh, but didn't you?"

They both stopped walking and looked slightly up and to the right of the camera as they reminisced on the bench scene from the last chapter.

Kukai furrowed his eyebrows. "Huh... I guess I did. BUT THAT STILL GIVES YOU NO RIGHT TO!"

"And why not?"

"BECAUSE I'M HER FRIEND AND YOU'RE A PERVERT!"

"Ah, I may be a pervert, but I am also her friend."

"BUT SHE HATES YOU!"

"No she doesn't."

"SHE SAID SO!"

"Did you really think she meant it?"

"OF COURSE SHE MEANT IT!"

"You idiot, she obviously was just blurting out whatever came to her mind first."

"I TOLD YOU I'M NOT AN IDIOT!"

"Only an idiot would be shouting at the man who's bringing his best friend to the hospital after you possibly gave her a concussion."

"Are we almost there?"

"So after ten minutes you decide to stop yelling?"

"Just answer the question."

"You can _see _it, it's across the street. We're _walking _to it. ...Idiot."

"AND AGAIN WITH THE IDIOT."

"And here I thought you were going to stop shouting and actually be mature for once. Even if you were going to be a mature idiot."

"I SWEAR WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU..."

"Oh, but you wouldn't want to do anything to me, now would you?"

"WHY THE HELL NOT?"

"Because your precious Amu-chan likes me!"

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU SHE DOESN'T!"

"Didn't we just go over this?"

After a few more minutes of Kukai yelling at Ikuto, and Ikuto giving him the simplest answers possible, they made it to the hospital.

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><p><strong>AND WE'RE FINISHED WITH CHAPTER... 3? I think?<strong>

**Sorry this took so long. Actually I finished this a while ago, I just didn't get to publishing it until now. I've been INCREDIBLY busy the past couple weeks, but after this week I should have more time.**

***sniffle* And I'm also kinda sick xD**


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